Chapter 32 - Interment

Chapter 32

Interment

Marlene had always been very specific that no funeral service of any kind take place upon her passing. We had made arrangements with a local funeral home and one of her wishes was that there be no funeral, no viewing but that, if possible, people gather and have a drink on her behalf.

Marlene was very clear she did not want a funeral and so it began with my request to the cemetery folks that part of her ashes be buried and that I would be present and that would be it. 

When Bruce and Nancy announced they were coming I thought of having them present along with her closest friends. The funeral home kept asking if I wanted to have an officiant and after thinking about it I said yes as it would extend the event for those in attendance. Had this person not been there it would have taken 5 minutes and be all over.

As Marlene had also requested, a gathering was to take place at a local pub so that we might all have a drink, I thought that instead we all meet at her favorite restaurant afterwards. 

The following 4 sections speak to specific request made by Marlene and the decisions made in the end.

1.                      That her ashes be deposited at sea in a biodegradable urn. She had no interest in going to the Bayfield cemetery. I had purchased a plot here in Moncton years ago and I had told her that the cemetery people had told me that she could be located at the same spot.

a.        After picking up the urn and a smaller container in mid-May, both sat on the kitchen table for 6 weeks or so while I contemplated what to do. Her friend Pat said her sister had a boat in Shediac as a possible option. My thinking was that the smaller container would be buried and the urn at sea. I called the cemetery folks and ordered a lowering service, and my plan was to go over just me and have that done but I wanted to wait for the marker to arrive and placed at the same time. In the end I opted for the bigger urn to be buried and the smaller container to be deposited on September 21 near her childhood home in Bayfield with assistance from Donald and Joan Cameron.

2.                      Not a funeral, she was clear that no funeral be held. This even after conversations re how funerals are for those left behind providing some form of closure.

a.        By mid-June, Bruce and Nancy said they were coming, and I started thinking that maybe something could be done with a group of Marlene’s closest friends. I envisioned just gathering around the site and each one of us saying a few words. Meanwhile, my cemetery contact kept asking if I was sure about not having some form of officiant and I said maybe that’s a good idea but no religious aspect. Then I was asked if the Lord’s prayer would be ok, and I knew Marlene respected that as we had many conversations about how the Catholics have a shorter version and I also knew two of her best friends were staunch Catholics, so I said fine but not the catholic version.

3.                      She never worried or spoke of a headstone or marker as she had no intention of being buried.

a.        While in hospital and things got real, I met with the funeral folks to order a bronze marker with both our names. I could not let her name not appear somewhere, I felt she deserved to be recognized and remembered in that way. Perhaps partly tradition but I was not going to let her name just disappear. I also requested that only Marlene Oulton be written as that is who she will always be to me and all of us. I kept asking for an update re the marker and was told it should arrive by the end of June, suddenly the pieces began to fall into place for a July 3rd event.

4.                      She did however want people to gather for a drink in her honour at some time, somewhere with no further specifics. We spoke of a local bar but that was it.

a.        This aspect I struggled with because I imagined various ways to go about it. I imagined that people would come together, and speeches could be made but was not sure. When the above interment thing came about, I saw it as an opportunity to gather for lunch and have that drink then. I started calling various locations but the one place that stuck with me was the Country View restaurant which was one of Marlene’s favorites.

In this chapter’s folder are photos taken at the cemetery, celebration of life transcript read at the site along with a video. Thank you, Nancy, for the idea.